Updates And Thoughts From The Outskirts Of The Big City

Hey, I’m all about quality, not quantity around here.

It seems as if I just got to Frisco, USA, yet as I look at the calendar I realize with some dismay that my time here is already over 1/3 finished.  Don’t get me wrong.  I love Lubbock.  I also love San Angelo.  I also can’t stand people who piss and moan about how “OMG, City X sucks soooooo bad I can’t wait to leave!”  I’m just not real thrilled about eventually having to leave one of the nicest towns around to go back to a congregation of people in the middle of the world’s biggest cotton field.  Frisco > Lubbock.  That’s just simple 4th grade math. 

Anywho, things have happened since last I was heard from.  Most notably, I got to hit up a Stars preseason game from the luxury and comfort of a suite at the American Airlines Center.  The perks of working with a professional sports team definately do not suck.  Sam Hurd was in attendance in a suite around the corner from the one I was in.  The All American Rejects were in a suite just below me and to the left.  Basically what I’m saying is…I’m practically a celebrity. 

I bet you’re also wondering how the playing soccer thing is going.  As it turns out, soccer physically sucks a whole lot more than hockey.  I mean, when you play hockey you can stop moving your legs and still make progression towards your destination.  If you’re playing soccer and your legs stop moving, that means you’re standing still.  That’s bad news when you’re in as poor condition as I am.  Oh well.  What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger, right?  Or makes you lose consciousness due to extreme exhaustion. 

Have any of you noticed that no matter where you go or why you’re there you can always find somebody within a 50 foot radius of you with an intimate connection to San Angelo?  After my first soccer game I met up with everybody from the team at a little Mexican resturaunt in the shops below my apartment.  I got to talking to one of their husbands. Real nice guy.  We were exchanging the obligatory pleasantries, and he was asking me how I like it up here and what not.  Then he proceeded to tell me that it’s a nice place but takes a little time to get adjusted to, and that he has only been up here for about three years and is originally from west Texas.  I was skeptical, as most people up here have no real concept of what “west Texas” really is.  One person might define anything west of Forth Worth as “west Texas,” while the next guy might define it as El Paso.  Both, obviously are incorrect.  Anything withing 50 miles of Weatherford is “practically the Metroplex,” and El Paso is not west Texas.  It’s Mexico.  But I digress.  Turns out this fellow was, low and behold, a native of San Angelo.  Born and bred.  Lived there for 33 years prior to moving up here.  Central class of ‘92.  Only a week later I made a trek up to Wichita Falls to see August Burns Red, and was hanging out primarily up right in front of the stage, and was chit chatting with some people around me, and naturally two of them had made the drive to the show from Angelo.  I have determined that San Angelo is the Kevin Bacon of smallish American towns. 

Speaking of the August Burns Red show, it was awesome.  Dudes straight up dominate.  Some good hearted and philanthropic person who was standing just to my left and slightly behind me recorded White Washed and Youtubed it.  Wow, has Youtube really become a verb now?  Anyway, the audio sucks but it’s a pretty good little clip.  There are 3 or 4 places where you get a a pretty good glimpse of me (and I know you all want in on that action!).  I mostly just want this here for my personal delight, but do feel free to hit the play button.  Consider it a more fun version of I Spy.  I Spy Charlie at the ABR show. 

I don’t have swine flu yet.  Everybody else up here seems to, though. 

I made my first appearance at the Texas State Fair last week.  The things I consumed include: chicken fried bacon, a footlong corn dog, fried cookie dough, a giant smoked turkey leg, fried oreo…and of course…

 

…fried butter.  God bless Texas. 

Health food trends be damned;

Enjoy the Lone Star State Fair.

Cardiac arrest!

End.

It’s Cool, I’m Not From Around Here…

Believe it or not, friends and enemies, I’m still around.  Well, I’m not really around…but you know. 

I have been in Dallas (Frisco) for 3 weeks now.  Aren’t you pumped to hear how it’s going?  I knew you would be! Let’s proceed. 

My apartment: Is badass.  I have really enjoyed living at Fountains for what will now be my 3rd full year, but it would be great if when I go back I could just…take this place with me.  Nice and quiet.  Better appliances.  Real carpet.  It’s just generally an awesome place.  Most of all I enjoy being by myself.  Not to slight any roommates that I’ve had by any means.  I have been lucky enough to have ended up with probably the best roommate situations imaginable since I moved to Lubbock.  But, there’s just something to be said for having a place to yourself. 

Frisco: Is badass.  Super nice, super clean town.  Lots of money here.  Despite being in the metroplex, it has a very small town feel to it.  It’s far enough away from the DFW madness that it’s not hell, like Dallas, Arlington, Irving, or any of the mid cities.  But close enough, obviously, that it’s not too big a deal to go do any of the available cool things to do.  It also doesn’t hurt that the Stars training facility is a five minute drive from my apartment and all their scrimmages and practices are open to the public.  Oh, and get this.  I’ve been talked into playing in an adult co-rec soccer league.  For those of you not familiar with my athletic history, I am one of the 7 kids who never played soccer growing up in San Angelo.  Ever.  I made this point known, and the reaction was a pause, followed by, “…hm, well you played hockey, right??  And you’re 23.  You at least have some natural athleticism.”  Lol.  I have subsequently been informed that I am being counted on to “provide some speed and athletic ability.”  I’ll give you a second or two to soak that in. 

Ok, you good?  Good. 

My job: Is pretty cool.  The stuff I’m actually doing isn’t really the story.  I mean, it’s an accounting internship.  That in and of itself can only be so interesting/exciting.  It is what it is.  Which is…accounting.  But to that extent I do like it.  Beyond just that, I am often around some gentlemen by the name of Hunt.  As in…the sons of the late and historically awesome Lamar Hunt.  I mean, they only own the Kansas City Chiefs and are all worth more cash money than I could ever dream of making in 4 lifetimes.  No big deal.  I have also gotten to meet Kenny Cooper.  That’s probably pretty cool to some of you, but most you probably don’t even know who that is, which is fine.  Allow me to help.  He is one of the better American soccer players.  Good enough that he’s…well, not playing in the US lol.  He’s on the national team and I expect him to get plenty of action come World Cup next summer.  This last week the whole office went to Main Event for a branding meeting, and at its conclusion we proceeded  to enjoy some bowling, laser tagging, and adult beverages.  It clearly sucks to be me. 

Now that I’m settled and have all my wonderful technology functioning properly, expect to remain adequately updated on my internship adventures.

My office.  Kinda.

Reality shows?!

In Dallas, more fun to see;

On the nightly news.

I should publish all of my awesome haiku.

End.

Big City Bound

You’ll have to forgive this prolonged hiatus.  Believe it or not I’ve actually had some things going on.  That you’re dying to hear about, I know. 

First things first.  The internship with FC Dallas is official.  This led to a trip to Frisco to find a place to live and what not.  It was successful. 

The light colored building on the left is my temporary residence.  That picture is taken from the stadium where I’ll be working.  It’s all about location, right??

Not gonna lie, when I knew for sure I’d be hanging out in DFW for a bit, the first thing I thought was, “hmmmm…I wonder what cool things I’ll be able to do!!!”  So far I have found the following:

September 25: It Dies Today at Trees.

Oct. 9: Wilco at the Palladium

October 15: Thursday and The Fall of Troy at the Prophet Bar

October 21: Mayday Parade, The Academy Is…, and Set Your Goals at The Door

Oct. 30: Brand New and Thrice at the Palladium

Nov. 21: Hatebreed at Prophet Bar

I’m sure I’ll also take my pick of at least a few Stars games.  Snag myself some cheap seats and get down on some hockey. 

On the whole though, I anticipate that my days will mainly consist of getting up and going to the office for the day, then getting back to my apartment and playing Madden, and doing it all over again the next day. 

Number 1 drawback to this little adventure: Spending damn near all of the NFL football season in the heart of Cowboy country.  FML. 

Once I get settled in I will update regularly, because I know everybody will be terribly intrigued with my big city adventure.  Wish me luck, friends. 

Feeling in limbo,

Am I a student or slave?

Charlie the intern.

End.

And The Next Stop Is…

Dallas.  

Or so it seems, anyway. 

Allow me to explain my current situation and get you caught up, now that it seems to have about a 99% probability of happening. 

Back in April I chit chatted with my advisor about my goings on for the summer and fall, and naturally the first question was, “Do you have an internship yet?”  I did not.  Nor had I even applied for an internship.  I wanted an internship with a sports franchise.  At the time I had hockey, football, and basketball in mind.  Hockey, football, and basketball seasons are in the fall.  I noticed last summer that internship postings at such places didn’t even start appearing until July and August.  This throws their little template of summer internship and back for fall classes all off.  I told her about all that, and she said it was all cool.   Early July rolls around and adequate internships start popping up, and I applied for a few of them.  No responses.  Zero.  For several weeks.  That’s ok, b/c I knew the bulk of them would come up towards the end of July and into August.  Nonetheless I was getting a bit nervous about the situation…and mostly nervous at my advisor being like, “Dude…wtf have you been doing all summer??”  Then out of the blue I get a call from FC Dallas (which I missed…because I was at the pool).  Called back the next day, and before I even knew what had happened I had informally agreed to an informal internship offer.  Currently, I’m waiting for a background check to confirm that I’m not a drug dealer and that I’m like, not banned from being within 100 yards of a school or something, in which case I’ll get the formal offer and give my formal acceptance.  I expect that by probably the 24th of this month I will have a sparkly new temporary home in either Frisco or Plano and starting my time with FC Dallas, who from what I understand seem to be a first class sports organization.   And I mean first class sports organization.  Not, “first class sports organization…for an MLS team.”  So yeah.  If you’re in Dallas or the surrounding area, by all means give me a ring.  Or is it…”holla atcha boy!”?  I get behind on how you kids are talking on the street.  

So yeah, that’s that.

If you read the oldschool LJ, you might recall that one of my favorite talking points was what an absolute hell hole every Walmart is.  In the spirit of my objective of keeping the complaining to a minimum here, I’m not going to do that.  I will, however, just point out something I have observed, following much scientiffic testing.  It seems that the time of day you go to Walmart seems to be significantly correlated with your likelihood of either killing another human being or being killed yourself.  In my (again, very scientiffic) findings, if you go to Walmart during the typical day (say…8am-9pm), it will be slammed.  Wall to wall people, most of whom make you think to yourself, “Wow, where do these people COME FROM?!”  It is during this time frame that I have concluded that you are more likely to kill somebody.  It will likely come from one of two scenarios.  1.) You accidentally smoke some idiot in the parking lot, or 2.) You have a mental breakdown when you hear your 7th screaming baby, get stuck behind some vato with his jeans hanging precariously just above his knees, and then get almost knocked into a shelf by Mr. I’M IN SUCH A HURRY, OMGZZZ!…all at the same time, and proceed to suffer from temporary insanity and beat somebody to death with a can of stewed tomatos.  Now, this is followed by a bit of a transition time between 9pm-12am that I am currently having trouble defining precisely.  Unimportant.  From 12am-6am the situation is reversed, and I believe that you are much more likely to suffer an untimely death due to your craving for a food you’re out of or because you’re trying to avoid the nightmare of going to Walmart during the day.  Each time within the last year I’ve been in Walmart in this time frame, while yes, there are obviously substantially less people, the people present appear to be much more dangerous.  Tonight, for example, I saw at least 5 people who made me legitimately fear for my safety.  Again, I’m not complaining.  Walmart is exactly a block and a half away from where I live, and that convenience outweighs my hatred of Walmart, thus I lose all rights to complain.  I just think they could maybe change their slogan.  I suggest: “Walmart: Pick Your Poison!”

I would like to bring back a favorite little theme of mine and introduce it to this blog.  In an attempt to add some class and culture to my otherwise pointless and socially irrelevant blog, I will now conclude each post, at least for a while, with…original haiku. 

Roommate headed west,

On my way to the metro;

Times, they’re a changin’.

End.

Grab Bag Post

No particular theme to this.  Just a couple of things that are/have been on my mind. 

I had a great experience on the golf course yesterday.  I teed off at 7:05am.  Needless to say I was playing alone.  It was just some good quality time to self-reflect, become one with nature, make out with my ipod, and shout angry words because of my inability to hit more than 3 consecutive acceptable shots.  About that “becoming one with nature” part…nature can burn in hell.  I hit a wayward tee shot that was going to require some rummaging out in the area where a real golfer would never find himself.  So, I get out of the cart, and notice something out of the corner of my eye.  I thought, “That looks like a big snake.”  Now normally you’d think that if you think you see a snake, you’d take a closer look to make sure.  Afterall, snakes can be dangerous.  If you were walking down the street late at night and as you turned a corner thought you saw a large man holding an crobar, you’re going to at least turn your head to make sure, since if what you thought was correct, you’re going to have to test out your olympic sprinting skills.  Did Itake the appropriate action?  Of course not.  I thought, “Eh, probably not.  That’s way too big to be a snake,” dismissed it, and began the search for my ball.  Found it.  Took my second shot (which, if you’re wondering was not much better than the first), and proceeded back towards the cart.  Unbeknownst to me, my wanderings while looking for the ball had put the “too big to be a snake” thing directly in between me and the cart, and by this time I’d totally forgotten about it.  Until of course, I was a foot away from it, it moved a little, and I looked down to see myself about two feet away from what was by far the largest non-captive serpent I’ve ever seen.  Now, I forgot the tape measure I usually carry around with me, but after eyeballing this thing (after I had come down from my 6 foot vertical leap) I would guesstimate it was just shy of five feet long, with the circumference for the majority of its body being similar to say, the part of your arm right above your wrist.  For about half a second to a second, until I knew it was a friendly snake, I was as horrified as I’d probably ever been. 

Over the course of the last two weeks, I think the distribution of my time can be accurately summarized as follows:  35% sleeping.  25% laying at the pool.  20% playing video games.  10% preparing/eating food.  5% engaging in some sort of “athletic” competition with Matt.  5% other stuff that doesn’t matter.  Livin’ the dream, folks. 

Alcohol.  We all enjoy it.  Some of us enjoy it more or less than others.  Some of us prefer wine, or beer, or liquer.  Despite all of this, sometimes, some people would just rather not drink.  That’s ok, right??  I mean, just sitting here reading that you’re probably thinking, “Yeah, sure.  Not a big deal.  Sometimes I don’t want to drink.”  So, why is it that if there is ever a group of people hanging out, and there’s that one person that doesn’t particularly feel like drinking, the entire goal of everyone else for the entire night is to get that person as hammered as possible?  Luckily, I don’t get that so much anymore because most everybody knows I don’t drink that often, and when I do it’s not going to be much, and yet they still love me for the person I am.  And probably talk shit about what a little girl I am behind my back.  That’s ok though, because I don’t care, and I don’t have to be antagonized and peer pressured all night.  It doesn’t work on me, it makes me cranky, and when it doesn’t work it makes everybody else cranky.  It’s just generally a bad deal.  That’s all beside the point though.  I’ve witnessed this a couple times lately, and so I’m going to complain on behalf of everybody who this occurs to because it annoys me.  Seriously, by pestering them to you are accomplishing nothing but making the outing less fun for everybody.  You are not, despite what you think, doing that person a favor.  You’re being a dick.  I promise.  So please, let’s just all stop trying to persuade sober Sally/Sam otherwise. 

I’ve been spending a lot of time at the pool lately.  Yesterday, this girl was talking to me and Matt (ok, she was talking to Matt), and she mentioned that she’s partying it up this summer because she had a kid when she was 17, and now she’s 21 and the kid is back home with mom and she’s finally getting to “do the college thing” or however she put it.  I’d think that if you have a 4 year old kid “the college thing” would be more along the lines of like…taking a lot of summer classes, learning, and then getting a good job rather than getting hammered at the pool 5 days a week and then hitting the bar to land a night in the sack with a frat guy named Trent.  Stay classy, Texas Tech!

Finally, there is no way.  I mean no chance whatsoever, that your midnight snacks are as badass as mine.

End.

Exit King Of Pop, Enter…King Of Blog

I’ve had a post stewing for a couple of days now, and Michael Jackson heading to the big kiddie playground in the sky is the catalyst that’s going to make the magic happen.  This is all news stuff, mostly.  But, nonetheless, things I thought were relevant and/or funny.

So, let’s just start with Michael, eh?  By now we all know what happened.  And we’ve all either heard or have thought just about every joke that can be made about it, so I’ll steer clear of all that.  What I’m mainly concerned with is the overwhelming reaction to this man(?)’s death.  You would think Jesus Christ himself had just been lost (…again, I guess).  I mean, if you dig his music or something, you can be a little sad I guess, that would be appropriate.  But…uninterrupted coverage on all the major news stations?  Please.  And then there are the people who are uptight about the jokes.  Sure, somebody died, it’s sad, blahblahblah.  But you know what?  The man (and again, I use that term loosely):  touched kids, publicly stated there was nothing wrong with “sharing his bed with kids,”  built an amusement park in his back yard, changed color, calls one of his kids “Blanket,”  dangled said kid out of 4th story window, rebuilt his face to resemble something from a B-rate sci-fi movie, then dies.  Pardon me for believing a couple jokes are well deserved.  And the people who are getting all bent out of shape are using “he was such a great musical inspiration blahblahblah.”  Sure, he was.  But guess what.  Michael Jackson the tremendous singer/dancer did not die yesterday.  He died over a decade ago.  Michael Jackson the weird little boy toucher died today.  So, that argument is invalid. 

Call me crazy, I just think that more important things deserved minute to minute news coverage today.  Things like the crazy North Koreans threatening to toss some nukes our way, for instance.  Don’t think they won’t do it, either.  Those fuckers are crazy.  I’m not saying they’d succeed.  They most likely wouldn’t.  I’m saying they’d try.

You also may have heard about that train collision a couple days ago.  If you didn’t, and are curious, feel free to quickly get up to speed http://www.nydailynews.com/news/us_world/2009/06/22/2009-06-22_metrorail_trains_collide_in_washington.html.  Anywho, I saw a little clip from a representative from that particular train company who was doing a little press conference about it.  She emphatically declared that, “…this is NOT SUPPOSED TO HAPPEN!  I can assure, this incident was just simply NEVER supposed to happen!”  She even gave the podium a couple little pounds, too.  Really?  Trains aren’t supposed to collide head on with other trains?? Well fuckin’ a!  Now that I know that, I feel much better about using it as a means of transportation.  I mean, I get her point, it just struck me as really funny.  A couple weeks ago you didn’t hear an Air France rep emphatically saying, “Our planes are not supposed to fall out of the sky!!!!!” 

The last thing I’ve got is that debacle that happened with this Perez Hilton fellow and the dude from the Black Eyed Peas.  Again, I know about this b/c luckily, CNN thinks its important.  Again, if you don’t know about it, be my guest: 

I’d been lucky enough to have never seen Perez Hilton prior to this.  Then when I did, all I could do was think, “…people care what this guy has to say?”  First of all, geeeeee, a gay guy with a blog who talks about gaydom and celebrity gossip…that’s like, the MOST original thing I think I’ve ever heard.  Then I was curious as to what is real name was.  Mario Lavandeira.  Wtf.  What an assclown.  Get over yourself.  Better yet, kill yourself.  Please, and thanks. 

Also, posts like this that are so heavy on celebrities…er, “celebrities” will be few and far between.  I promise.  Hell, I apologize for this one. 

End.

This And That

So, where have I been?

I’m sure everyone is dying to know, right? 

During this brief absence I could have been found typically in one of a number of places.  The golf course would be your best bet.  In bed would also be another good guess.  Or…Ft. Worth.  I made the trek to the metroplex for sister’s graduation, which was a nice time.  There was much celebrating, and much fun was had.  I didn’t even inappropriately hit on any 18 year old girls.  I know that’s probably surprising to some of you (Ana). 

I’ve been seeing this note passed around Facebook lately I kinda wanted to fill out.  I don’t like Facebook notes, though, so I’m going to do it here.  Not only will it save me the trouble of tagging people, it will eliminate the annoyace to those I would have tagged who may not have cared.  I always get annoyed when I’m tagged in notes I read and afterwards I think, “wtf was the point of that?!”

Anyways, the point of the thing is to…”Think of 16 albums that had such a profound effect on you that they changed your life or the way you looked at it. They sucked you in and took you over for days, weeks, months, years. They are the albums that you can use to identify time, places, people, and emotions. These are the albums that no matter what they were thought of musically, they shaped your world.”  So, here’s what I’ve got, in no particular order at all:

Greenday- Dookie  This album is a defining collection of music for me.  I purchased Dookie when I was a wee lad, in 3rd grade.  All my little friends said how terrific it was, and when you’re like, 7, you don’t want to be out of the loop.  Prior to having that cd I listened to country, exclusively.  Since then, I have only listened to punk, metal, and alternative.  It made me realize there is a world where steel guitars don’t exist in music, and guitars are distorted, and beats can be fast, and you can say “fuck” in songs.  Thanks Greenday, for changing my life for the better.

No Doubt- Tragic Kingdom  This was the second non-country cd I owned.  I listened to it start to finish each day for like a year.  My crush on Gwen Stefani persists to this day. 

Clay Walker- Clay Walker  Like I said, I listened to country first.  Of all the cheesy country love songs ever written, many of the best can be found here.  I haven’t listened to it in over a decade, but I bet I could still sing every word on this cd…er…cassette.

Marilyn Manson- The Last Tour On Earth  This one often provided locker room jams in the early days of my hockey playing exploits.  Since I heard it before practically every practice/game I picked it up one day, finally got a chance to really listen to it.  It’s a live cd, so it was all of his best stuff up to that point.  All you had ever heard about him up until then was that he eats babies and sleeps with Satan, but his music is tremendous, and as far as an artist and performer, he is one of the greats of our generation.  If not for this album, I probably wouldn’t know that.

Thursday- Full Collapse  Another introduction to a genre.  Every single song on here is amazing, musically and lyrically.  Think of how many kickass bands would not exist today (or exist in a totally different capacity) if not for this record.

Nirvana- Nevermind  “Smells Like Teen Spirit” made me decide I needed to know how to play the guitar.  And now I do. 

Incubus- Make Yourself  There are songs on here for just about any emotion a person can have.  Of all my older school cd’s, this one probably gets the most current play time. 

Sublime- 40oz. To Freedom  I probably don’t need to spend too much time here.  I’m sure if you made a list, it would be on there too.  Something tragic happened to my Best Of Sublime cd, though.  It just…disappeared.  And that pisses me off.  A lot. 

Limp Bizkit- Significant Other  Go ahead and laugh.  I don’t care.  Now, a solid decade or so later, I am aware of how tragically bad this cd is.  But the list is supposed to be cd’s that were significant in our lives, yes?  From the time this cd came out up until whatever their next one was, I probably listened to this cd more than any other cd in the span of a year, thus making it pretty damn significant.  Besides, if you tell me you can listen to “Break Stuff” without wanting to dropkick somebody in the face, I’ll tell you you’re a liar.  And then dropkick you in the face. 

As I Lay Dying- Frail Words Collapse  This album turned me onto metal and metalcore, which is about all I’ve listened to post high school.  They took what I like the most about metal, and tossed in some catchy parts and singing.  It also was nice to listen to some metal with thematic elements that departed from your Cannibal Corpses and Cradle of Filths of the world.  Much like Full Collapse, without this CD, today there probably is no August Burns Red, Haste the Day, etc.  Speaking of August Burns Red…

August Burns Red- Thrill Seeker  The first time I listened to this cd, I had no clue whatsoever who these guys were.  I was about to move to Lubbock, and saw they were playing there shortly after my arrival, and starved for live music (thanks to San Angelo being where live music goes to die), I checked them out b/c one way or another, I was going to that show.  I listened to it start to finish in one sitting, and was blown away.  Some of the most original sounding vocals and guitar work I’ve ever heard.  The follow up, Messengers, was no less kick ass, and I fully anticipate their new one which comes out soon to dominate, as well.  When it’s all said and done, ABR will be considered one of the best heavy bands ever.  Mark my words. 

Bush- 16 Stone  This album could make the list if the only song on it was “Machinehead.”  Luckily for the world, there are a a shitload of other lovely songs, as well.

Third Eye Blind- Third Eye Blind  The songs on this album always did, and still do, make me feel a certain way.  I can’t even quite describe it.  Perhaps…a peaceful unease?  I dunno.  If a collection of songs can make me feel an indescribable emotion, it makes the list. 

A Day To Remember- For Those Who Have Heart  This album is great if you: want to dance, want to headbang, want to wave a lighter in the air, wish Kelly Clarkson was a little more metal, like metal, like pop, like alternative, like screaming, like singing, like colorful band merch, are sad, are happy, are generally content, are a Ron Jeremy fan, wish your metal could be a little happier, like music. 

Adam Sandler- They’re All Gonna Laugh At You  This shit made me laugh until I cried.  Many times. 

_________- _________   I like to think that any day now I’ll listen to something new that will deserve to be on the list, so I’m going to save this spot for it.    

Honorable mentions: Rage Against the Machine’s Evil Empire, Deftone’s White Pony, Snoop Dogg’s Doggystyle, Glassjaw’s Worship and Tribute, any Rancid album, NOFX’s Pump Up The Valuum, and Anti Flag’s The Terror State.

You know, something about Ashley’s graduation really bothered me.  It wasn’t that it was on a Monday night, or that it wasn’t in the city the high school  represents, or even that I was missing a Third Eye Blind concert to be there.  It was that there was praying.  Twice.  I have a feeling that real soon I’m going to have to talk more in depth about this.  Half of you will probably give me a standing ovation.  The other half will probably cease being my friends.  I’m excited. 

End.

Just Make Sure Not To Drink The Water

Friends, I don’t even know where to start. 

Those of you from San Angelo already know all of this, I’m sure.  But in case you haven’t heard (somehow) or are not from Angelo,  lemme tell you a little about the mayor…er…former mayor of the lovely little town I’m proud to call home. 

J.W. Lown was just re-elected to his 4th term as mayor in a landslide win.  All of his wins have been landslides, and I would say he’s probably one of, if not the most popular mayor the city has ever had.  I mean, I was never in love with him or anything, but he seemed like a good enough guy, and everybody else was all about him.  He was supposed to be sworn in as mayor Tuesday…but he no showed.  Then, yesterday, his letter of resignation mysteriously appeared, and he was “not in San Angelo, and not sure of when he would return.”  Wtf, right?  Where oh where did our mayor go?!

He went to a motel room. 

In Mexico.

With his illegal alien…boyfriend. 

Seriously.   You can’t make this shit up.  This dude ditched town, and his title of mayor, because he didn’t want to be sworn in while he was gettin’ his mack on with a border jumper, so he went there, instead, until Don Juan gets a visa. 

I want to make jokes.  I really do.  But there are just SO MANY TO BE MADE I don’t even know where to start.  The facts of the story are punchline enough, ffs. 

According to my longtime trusted advisor Matt Bader, it is likely that Rick Perry will make a personal visit to San Angelo whenever he comes back to beat the shit out of him twice.  Once for being gay, and again for being gay with an illegal Mexican.  Last I checked the story on gosanangelo.com had over 150 comments, and about one out of four had to be removed by the webmaster.  My favorite exchange was started by somebody who complimented all the people who commented in support of Lown by saying, “Wow, look at how progressive San Angelo is getting!!  When is the parade? *wink*”  A few comments later somebody quoted that post, and responded with, “You mean the heterosexual pride parade??”  Now, personally, I don’t give a damn if the guy is into playing a little pocket pool with other dudes.  That’s not really something that I’ve ever really given a shit about.  But let’s be real here, folks.  This is West Texas, and I bet there are probably more than few hundred people enraged that they would vote for such a person *gasp!!!*.  My suggestion is for him to never go back.  Ever.  J-Dub, you’re in Mexico already.  Just head northwest towards Mexicali or Tijuana and cross there.  You’d just be a hop skip and jump away from San Francisco.  I can promise you there will probably be a torch weilding mob from San Angelo waiting for you outside of Acuna, should you be so foolish as to try and come back. 

The real (and I think, much more substantial implications of this, will come in October.  Lown had a very distinctive look…mostly because of his glasses, but no matter.  It was distinct, but not difficult to imitate.  How great would it be if for Halloween a couple guys would decide to show up at a party as Lown and his Mexican lover.  I mean,  one guy with a little hair gel, some similar glasses, and a suit…and another guy wearing…hell I don’t know, a poncho or sombrero or something, and bam!  San Angelo’s 2009 most popular Halloween costume.  You could even get a third person in on the act.  They could dress up as a cop and chase Senior Taco around the party all night, and on occasion the guy dressed as Lown could hide him in a closet, and act very discreet, and then give a thumbs up when la migra went away.  It would be a great running gag the entire night. 

This time last year San Angelo was overrun with polygamists, lawyers, and every news channel in the country. 

Now we’ve got a gay mayor with an illegal Mexican boyfriend. 

At this rate, I’d pick the top of the Cactus Hotel as the location for the second coming of Christ. 

While the identity of this Mexican mystery man remains…well, a mysterio (haha).  I have some inside sources who say it is likely this fellow:

Tell me something in the last year that has happened in your hometown that’s more comical/interesting than this (or the polygamists).  I dare you.

End.

Found, Available For Pick-Up

A pair of bright orange bikini style panties, on the sidewalk directly in front of my apartment. 

The previous owner was likely a disease infested sorority girl so anxious to take them off she couldn’t wait to get inside. 

It is also possible they were my neighbor’s, who I noticed was packing her vehicle for a trip today, in which case they are likely clean.

Regardless, if you have the proper means with which to pick this free item up, do so.  Appropriate equipment includes, but is not limited to: trucks, SUV’s, hazmat vehicles, garbage trucks, flatbed trailers, shopping carts (although, again, I don’t know how Lubbock’s homeless might be able to read this blog), etc. 

I do urge you to act quickly.

This is Lubbock, afterall.  They are likely at some point relatively soon to blow away. 

What with the economy and all, people are desperate for retail items.  They’re sure to go quickly. 

They are guaranteed to not make it past the creepy maintenance guys’ morning sweep across the grounds.  I doubt any of them are familar with such a garmet.  I feel strongly that if they last overnight, one of them will snatch them up, and make some sort of altar out of them in the corner of their closet. 

So, if you have use for a secondhand pair of bright orange womens underwear, don’t delay!  Contact me now.  Or just come pick them up if you know where I live.  Strict confidentiality assured.  I’m not here to judge. 

End.

WTF Am I Doing?

That is a question I seem to be fielding with some frequency lately.  People seem to be curious since, from a glance it might appear that I’m just going to school with no particular direction to speak of.  I can assure you, though, there’s a plan a brewin’.  I’ll go into it in some detail.

This whole MBA thing requires I do an internship somewhere.  Some of you know this already, but many of you don’t so I’ll rehash it.  My greatest desire is to be doing this internship with a sports franchise, preferrably of the hockey variety.  Availibility shouldn’t be much of an issue, I think.  I doubt MBA students are flocking to sports internships, and there are  plenty to be  had, even right now which is the offseason for most teams.  I could apply for some of those, but I don’t really want to do it during the summer.  I mean, the whole point is to be around during the season, right?? 

Where might I end up?? I’ve narrowed it down to a select few teams, based mostly on geography: Austin, San Antonio, Houston, Ft. Worth, Dallas, Denver, Tuscon,  Broomfield CO, Windsor CO, Rapid City SD, and OKC.  If none of those teams were to work out, I would be willing to go anywhere that would take me.  That wouldn’t be limited to hockey franchises, either.  There are plenty of NBA and NFL internships open right now, and I’m sure that number will increase for the regular season.  Hopefully it won’t come to that though, and I can get my foot in the door with an AHL or NHL team, impress some people, and maybe get a job lined up.  That would be super. 

Quick aside: does it not seem to anybody else like internships are a scam??  Seriously.  Who is it that decided that a bunch of college kids need to provide dirt cheap if not completely free labor?  I think it’s a scam right up there with textbooks, pharmaceutical corporations, and religion. 

I have been having a recurring dream the last several months that I’m a reciever for an arena football team.  This dream always ends with me at Cricket’s (my least favorite Lubbock bar) with my posse making it rain. 

Anyways, I realize there’s a lack of substance in this particular post, but if you’ve ever sat around and wondered, “wtf is that Charlie Hearne doing these days!?”…now you (kinda) know.

End.